From Big 4 to BPO, the epic story of my unfathomable downfall

It all starts in 2020, where I slogged my ass to score 92 percentile in my JEE, but as covid ravaged everything and with looming uncertainty, coupled with my family's precarious financial condition to satiate the ludicrous fees of private engineering colleges in Mumbai, I settled for a local college.

Somehow, after running myself through tutorial hells on YT and madly skimming technical books for specific skills, I somehow was able to make a small dent in the security industry with multiple hall of fames, and a few bounties from a few big players.

Thankfully, right after my graduation in 2023, I got picked up by EY for an interview, and got selected as an intern, but it lasted for a short while, as the ripples of covid affected, the team stopped all new hiring and even laid off a few folks (including my interviewer who later was laid off and immediately switched), so I was left to forage the job market again.

As if it couldn't get worse, the existing fault lines in my mental health resurfaced, giving me panic attacks, anxiety and pushing me to the point where I couldn't stop murmuring with no one around, causing me to see psychiatrists, eventually confining me to my room for almost a year, struggling to keep my tech skills fresh and sharp.

I finally left my room with a functional enough mind in December, only to be stamped "gap-year" on my profile. So, I resorted to applying even for peanut packages, but as none reverted back, I applied for any and every job remotely affiliated to IT, got a few small gigs for WordPress paying couple of thousands, but I took it. From applying on those shady job apps, where people typically go for blue/grey collor work to visiting these small and cheap software companies (almost all their names were suffixed by "software solutions" run by bossy uncles who's tummies sticking out) trying to convince the Marathi speaking HRs to hire me unpaid until I generate value for them. I was paid no heed, despite promising them to pick up any framework/language within 2 weeks which their company required, but they were too apprehensive of inexperienced folks.

Failing to get my foot in the door in IT, I applied for run off the mill white collor jobs of the lowest tier, and got a few offers paying me peanuts to handle customer calls and solve their queries, which I reluctantly accepted as I perhaps have lost all prowesses (thanks to those mind altering meds) I once possessed, except for my English. Feeling of insult and unworthiness set in after seeing people working besides (many were school and college dropouts, or had shitty degrees like BBA etc) speaking rudimentary English, while I had to suppress my vocab and change my accent to not seem too smart for the job.

I've honestly lost hopes and everything seems, folk! Need someone to pull me out of the abyss or shall I drown?