Reflections After Some Tough Times

I’ve had an unexpectedly intense first few months of this year. Lots of uncertainties and drastic changes in personal and professional life; will skip the details. Fortunately, I’m doing better now. Was lucky enough to have the support and love of friends and family to pull me through. And things are starting to look up again, though I’m taking it one day at a time to avoid overwhelming myself.

There were some things in particular that just caught me off guard and shook me up real bad. Ended up seriously messing with my self-confidence and motivation. Spent multiple weeks just feeling like a shell, and the helplessness of not being able to fix things only made everything worse - creating a vicious cycle of bad thoughts and self-doubt. And every next step felt that much harder to take. It’s especially difficult when in hindsight you feel like you could’ve done something; but it’s just too late to change anything.

After weeks of struggling, something that finally helped me to pick myself up again was to start accepting that I tried my best (given the time and circumstances) and it wasn’t enough. And that’s all I really could have done. I just didn’t know better back then, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to figure out the answers before the clock ran out on me. Reflecting and learning from such experiences is good, but dwelling on them and hating oneself for not being able to do better isn’t really helpful.

Going forward, I’ll be mindful about slowing down when things get rough - and actively work towards accepting all parts of myself (the ones that “succeeded” and the ones that “failed”), as I try to keep doing better in life. I’ll also remember to reach out to friends and family sooner than I did this time. Struggling by oneself is not great; it’s too easy to fall into spirals of negativity.

The reason I’m sharing this is not to vent, or because my struggles are unique. I just hope to offer some support and acknowledgment to anyone else who might be in a similar boat. Hang in there, and please be kinder to yourself. :)

[Video is from my weekend visit to Lal Baug. Was nice to find some stillness and centre myself.]