DancingTaco

Motivation ended

I am a 29Y, male, 4YOE, married for 8 months, earning 30 LPA (Tier-1 college background).

Career-wise, I’ve always had big plans wanted to build my own software, websites, or side business that could eventually grow into something big. But lately, I feel my motivation is draining.

The reason is mostly my marriage. My wife and I end up fighting very often, sometimes over very small things. She doesn’t like me doing much for my parents, even simple things like paying their electricity bill, recharging their SIM, or sending money to my sister for Raksha Bandhan lead to arguments. She avoids family video calls and gets upset if I praise my niece/nephew (kids under 5) in the family group. On the other hand, she spends a lot of time talking to her mother/friends, or on reels/movies. Some fights are related to us, I can't tell which bad words I get to hear.

She also isn’t health-conscious — skips meals, eats very late, falls sick often, and doesn’t exercise. Most of the time, I end up taking her to doctors. I tried suggesting good habits, but she repeats the same patterns, and now I’ve stopped saying anything.

I had a vision of working hard, becoming wealthy, and uplifting my family, but now I keep wondering ,Who am I really doing all this for? I feel exhausted, unmotivated, and like my drive is slipping away

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Please advise me on this.

2mo ago

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SqueakyNarwhal

KPMG2mo

I had a similar scenario two years back - she did not like talking much to my parents and obviously did not like spending me much on them.

What I did is - understood the root cause - She doesn't consider them family OR feel they are not good human beings enough (Saas - Sasur tang hi karte hai sunti aayi hai vo sab se)

First step, I made a plan and started showing how her parents are not that great too. They make lot of mistakes too and even don't care for her when she needs them emotionally. They always run behind the Son and ignore daughter. Always praise him but don't care about your achievements at all. This started working well.
Best day was - When she made a job switch after leaving a stressful and toxic job and told her parents, their response was very Thanda (they feel she was doing over drama and it's not a big deal) While my parents when they got to know about it - started dancing over the phone itself out of happiness.

She felt that day - my parents also care for her and feel happy for her achievements.
I won't say she changed completely but there is a lot of positive warmth in the relation after that. She even brought a brand new fridge (old was giving lot of issues) for them on 15th August on her own.

And whenever she speaks with her family also, she takes my mom's side nowadays when someone speaks ill about her - she always tell that My MIL is sweet and not bad... she has a good heart but just talks a lot which is okay. Not everyone can be perfect. 😅

So I feel the perspective is the root cause - I changed her perspective and made my life better and peaceful.
I hope my scenario helps you in some way brother.

PeppyRaccoon

BMC Software2mo

I have been in similar situations and believe me , after 9 years in marriage things started to improving,
Earlier it was all arguments, and fights on silly things.
She used to communicate everything to her mother happening at our home. We slowly realised its not worth it and as of now we only share things which is important, we mutually decided not to share everything. Also we moved out from home and living in nearby city to avoid more issues. We have one kid and and all our decisions are now based on kid's well being only. We need to make her important even in any family gatherings or decision we need to involve her for opinion, include her and let her know that she's also member of the house..