The weirdest performance review of my life

I am still processing what my manager told me on Friday afternoon..

For context I have been working at this firm for about two years. I am pretty efficient with my work. I get my tasks done, I rarely miss deadlines, and I log off by 6 PM. I do not do the whole late night hustle theater because I value my peace of mind.

We had our annual appraisal discussions and my manager gave me a standard average rating. I was a bit disappointed because I handled a massive deployment by myself last quarter. I politely asked him what I was lacking and how I could push for a promotion next cycle.

He closed his laptop, leaned back, and told me that my output was perfectly fine. The problem was my face.

I thought he was joking but he was dead serious. He said I never look stressed enough. He told me that when senior leadership walks past my desk, I always look completely relaxed. According to him, the management thinks I do not have enough work because I am not running around looking panicked or staying back till 9 PM like the rest of the team.

He literally advised me to start scheduling my emails to go out at 11 PM and to sigh heavily during standup calls so people think I am overloaded with deliverables.

I just sat there nodding while he explained how to fake corporate anxiety for better optics. I spent my entire Saturday updating my resume. Now it is Sunday morning and I am just staring at the ceiling wondering if this is how the corporate world actually works.