Stopped sending money to parents. They stopped talking to me. Sharing this so others don’t learn the hard way.

More power to you bro, being the firstborn is tough.

Shata shit!!! Ur parents are growing old who'll take care of them in their old age and their daily needs? What you needed to do was maintain clear boundaries with your parents from the time you were all under one roof This this this I'm ok with, that that that ur not ok with

When u were young despite u puking, shitting and peeing on them and they raised you to a point where you are able to earn a property and what not Did they ditch you at any point of your time? I guess ur 30+ now, and rift started from around 26 or 27

For those 26 years they had food or not they invested each and every breath of theirs on your name and you for 5 years feel superior and ditched and came out ah!!!

Very well written post. So many, a vast majority of people realize this so late. Even you realized it so late. Imagine how much of mental trouble must have caused on your wife, due to your late understanding of yours. But anyway, better late than never. I had learnt this much much earlier, around my teens only.

This is in the psyche of traditional Indian parents. They are controlling and emotionally manipulative by nature, for both sons as well as for daughter. They hinder your progress, they try to control you, they try to treat you like a robot. They take pride and boast off in front of society if you do as they say. For them, you being blindly obedient to them, like robotic level obedience, is most important. Anything less than blind obedience, anything less than blind alignment, is outright disrespect and mocking. That’s why OSHO had said something on the lines of “parents are the biggest enemies of a child”.

Bottomline for married folks, once you marry, your spouse and your kid, should take supreme precedence over everyone else (except in case of medical emergencies of parents). Their mental and physical well being, should mean everything to you, and should certainly come before some silly whims of parents. As I said, only thing that should override it, is medical emergencies.

Also, always avoid confrontations, specially if you have a kid (why inflict trauma on kids!). If confrontations keep happening, move out and live separately. Living together and arguing everyday, is much worse than Living apart, living in peace and living in talking terms with little less closeness, but also with much less confrontations. Confrontations just bring toxicity, must avoid that.

All this that I wrote, should be understood by everyone the moment one reaches adulthood (or even earlier), and yet there are so many who keeps moving like blind herd.

Break the chain ⛓️‍💥. Break this chain of taking forward the bad. Break this chain of being a toxic, controlling, manipulative parents. Whatever your parents are, take the good from them, be thankful and grateful for them, but remove the negatives. Be the better version of your parents, not the exact copycat.

@Bhidu this is what I meant, why being an NPC is important without giving up on important things

I realised hard way, that's a big mistake I made. But I genuinely thought I can take care of my aged parents by staying close to them. Now I realise that was probably very immature of me.

Very AI generated post lol😂

Good luck for your life ahead. Honestly I don't understand why people don't move out just after marriage.
From where I am, some Men and women look for a house on rent before marriage itself.

You don't have siblings?

Just because they are parents doesn’t mean you should turn blind eye to their wrongs.

I can kind of feel you. My parents are so clueless and afraid all the time. My father is absolute waste, never did a single thing in his life but create drama, my mother took a teachers job, worked hard and raised me & my sister.

My father family was toxic AF, daily drama & abuses. Jealous of everything and everyone and my father was a clueless, spineless piece of shit. My mother was always just trying to keep everything together, she’s didn’t had any real support from her family as well so she had to make it work any how.

Me & my sister have always been on our own, even as kids. We were used a pawns in the family to make their points. My mother would also scold us for something that my aunt and uncle made us do, blamed like adults for not denying them and standing upto them, because my mother also didn’t had the courage to face them directly. I don’t blame her, she was also on her own and everyone has limited strength.

I navigated through, got a job. Cut to 2024, family drama turn into physical altercation, my uncle tried to hit my mom, my father said what can he do, yeah that spineless!

I have had enough, I drove 1100km next morning to sort things out. I decided they’ll move out of that house, I found a new house and moved them.

I pay for their rent, insurance, expenses now. For any small thing to be done, I need to travel to that town spending 20k and get it done. I have no financial backup, just whatever I’m saving anyhow. They don’t have a penny to give me. I need to pay for my marriage, but I’m managing anyhow and ensuring that they are provided for.

But the sad part is they are absolutely mindless. They just keep doing things that cost me a fortune, they don’t care about me & my future until they’re provided for. And talking to them is a nightmare, my father will throw god level tantrums and create absolute drama. Trying to explain anything to my mother puts her in a meltdown.

I have been always treated as disposable by them. Every fight, every problem they ever had was outsourced onto me, even when I was a kid.

I’m trying to build a life for me & for them, but they simply don’t understand. They’re just stuck in the same loop. I have kind of had enough now, but I can’t leave them because I feel for them.

I’m just trying to earn and save more so I can support them after marriage as well. I can’t live in the same house until my father is alive, he would never let me be happy in life. He burns everything he’s around.

I understand people saying “parents sacrificed everything.” And I completely agree — they did. I’ve never denied that, and I’m grateful for it. But I want to highlight something from my side too. If my child is going through a rough phase, I will stand by him — not blame his wife or his 21-day-old baby for his struggles. If I have a problem with him, I will talk to him directly — not complain about him to relatives or others behind his back. That’s the difference I believe in. When I started earning around 50k/month, I lived in a small PG for about 5k and walked to office just so I could send as much money home as possible. I didn’t keep score. For almost 8 years: almost every rupee I earned every decision I made a big part of my life was centered around my parents — their health, their stability, their peace of mind. I: cleared loans supported household expenses bought gold contributed to property in their name supported my brother’s education and marriage And I did all of this willingly. But despite that, there were many times when: basic respect was missing my wife was not treated fairly and things said behind our backs were very different from what was said in front of us Even today, when they are not answering my calls because I stopped sending money directly, I am still: looking for better health insurance options for them thinking about what I can gift my mother for her upcoming birthday So no — I haven’t stopped caring. I just stopped doing it in a way that was hurting my own family.