People don't talk to me at work ...
It's been 1 year at my current job and I've observed that people in my team don't prefer to talk to me. I mean we talk workwise but I get a feeling that they just never strike a convo with me first which is off-work. It is always me who has to initiate the conversation. On the other hand there is this other guys who joined at the same time as me and people talk to him a lot and do lot of activities together it's like they have made a group of their own which I'm not part of. This has resulted in a situation where that new guy has formed a great bonding with them all which also helps him workwise greatly. I was okay with this situation until it started affecting what kind of work I'm getting as the new guy now gets preference over me for any useful work.
Well, partly this is my fault as well that I'm not a very talkative guy and usually prefer to mind my own business but I never thought that this will lead me to be isolated at work and even start affecting my work.
I don't know how to deal with situation. Anyone else faced such a situation before ? I'm even thinking of leaving the company.
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You take everyone on Chai break and start talking slowly message them on WhatsApp normally, if things didn’t workout in your fav please change org it will be better for your mental health.
I now feel like part of the skillset for a software engineer is to know how to get people to like you and I think this skill is more important than your technical skills
Most of software engineering ppl lack this skill, throughout life you ppl just studied and don’t know how to approach too much of hesitation. Lack of spark in communication. But this can be easily worked upon. Join some club where you will meet ppl from different background.
Remember - corporate is always a one-sided game. They wanna isolate you? Ok take it as a challenge. Dominate now. Show them that you can work and talk work irrespective of the confidence among your fellow team.
Hi bro I am feeling down from some days. I am a severe victim of office politics. I am in my 20s and my colleagues are of the same age. I am never invited to their birthdays. They invite all except me even the new joinees. They celebrate all persons birthdays by cutting cake(I mean of our similar age 20s) but they did nothing for my birthday.
One person got married some months ago and everyone got invited except me. When they made a group to contribute to wedding gift then that person suddenly invited me. But others were invited personally 2 to 3 weeks ago only. Also last year a girl of same age as me, whose birthday was there, she gave sweets to everyone and didn't give me. I don't know if the sweets got over or what. Is this all purposefully done?
There is a rumour that I am manager favourite spread by them. But my manager has never ever given me anything extra for real and with complete honesty I am saying. She gives me the most hard work or complex work to do. But still she gives same appreciation to everyone and same prizes with not a single penny difference to me as she gives others.
Recently in hike cycle she didn't give me proper hike. She said if I gave you then I will be accused of favoritism. Yes she gave me this reason only. But she still continues to give me the most complex tasks which others can't do or couldn't do.
Recently one previous teammate left the company and he invited everyone to the treat including managers. I was sitting there only but I didn't get any clue that they are going for treat. I was not feeling well so I went to have lunch on my own as others were not going and I didn't have any information of their treat plan. Next day my manager is asking how are you feeling today. Then she asked me why did you not come? I told her where? She told what do you mean? We all went for treat he gave as he was leaving. I told I don't know. I was not informed. She told what do you mean we all were sitting together na. He had informed us one day ago to come.
I don't know bro why am I getting alienated always. I praise all people in my team. Even sometimes in front of everyone including manager. I tell them I am proud of you. I respect you etc to gain some good bonding but nothing worked out. I don't know what to do and why is my life like this.
Do whatever you can and leave the org as soon as possible. I mean it!!
Well I was almost is same situation for almost 1.5 years and i made myself isolated and no one ever talked to me in my team. They even planned for group outings and went for coffee breaks and just asked me for lunch for formality and which i denied too.
I too felt i made the mistake of being introvert which i don’t know how to reverse.
At the end i left and joining new org soon. Will not repeat this mistake again.
*in same
Well, something is wrong with management if people are getting work based on their bonding or how much they talk. Switch to some better company
Let me tell you my side, i was in a team where 10+ developers are in Bangalore office and me and one more are in Hyderabad office, Still my bonding with rest of the team is great and I know each and every activity happened in bangalore office through any one of them. What i believe is my helping nature done the job. Once someone comes to me for any help, i will make sure I can help to 110 % and meanwhile will talk to them casual way. Also i am making sure that I should not spill the beans to others what some one said to me will be always with me only. That's the secret... Once they got trust automatically will talk to you...
Well I’m helpful and I try to give 100% to help someone even when I don’t know about the thing they are asking.
But yeah I talk to them in more of a formal way. Maybe that’s the thing I’m missing and very hard for me to do.
And one person’s secret goes to the grave with me. I don’t like to gossip.
No that's completely wrong perception. That could have been true if people were moral and ethical. Surprisingly I also do the same like you and even get email appreciating me but don't get invited to anyone's birthday or farewell though every other even new joinees get invited etc. They badmouth a lot instigate etc. You are not a victim of office politics and you should be thankful to life for that. What that person and me is facing is a planned isolation and severe office politics in my case. People are cold and cruel dude. Otherwise why will I only not get invited to anyone's treats where everyone is invited and me only left. And best of all those persons praise me when I sit with them in office and badmouth when I am not there. I have 3 to 4 people informing me about this. Still I kept on caring for them. When they reach out to me for help I helped them by devoting my many hours. Will you do that? If you ask me why did I help them though they badmouth and instigate against me then I am also thinking why do I do that. And I am getting an answer that I don't have any one really any one so I tried to win them back with kindness. And let me tell you the results as well. Even after 1 2 years they did not change. So if you have got a good set of colleagues then you should be thankful to yourself and your life. I am sorry if I have written a lot here but ya I am alone not by choice but by the poisons my colleagues spread. And I can't do anything. If anyone is reading this please be kind to your colleagues and not poison their image. You don't know how alone and alienated your colleague might be getting and suffering from. Also to those who are mere spectators please don't believe on what your friends say because that can be a purposeful poisoning.
Maybe you are a boring person or you are an introvert or you give weird vibes.
I mean it's not always others who are wrong.. Just look back and check were you popular or atleast good companion back in school college?
There is nothing wrong here, it's just few people don't give friendly vibes.
How to change that. I was never able to have friends in my school or college except one or two. But I always wanted to have many friends but never succeeded. Also one positive part of me is that whoever is a new joinee in office or if I remember my school days then they become friends with me only first. I make them comfortable. But yes Iose them in some months. I want to have good friends but don't know what to do.
It's fine to have 1-2 good friends rather than to have many fake ones.
Be polite, genuine and smart ... Ppl prefer that
