
My Story: My father used to hit my mom so hard that the walls were red with blood...
From the outside, my life right now looks great. I graduated with a great GPA from one of the best universities in DU, completed my banking stint in a top tier group and am now happily working as a Management Consultant in Monitor Deloitte. I'm in a relationship with a girl I'm crazy about, I have good friends, I'm attractive, fit and have the world ahead of me. That's what the outside sees. In reality, I'm a messed up kid feeling my way around in the dark through a world that I feel wholly unprepared for.
I grew up poor. At times, I was very, very hungry. The first few months my family was able to crawl out of poverty, I continued to overeat because I still vividly remembered the hunger pains that often kept me awake at night. I lost one of my siblings and I always blamed myself for what happened. I was sexually abused by a relative. I witnessed things in my city that still send chills down my spine.
And then there were my parents. Sure, my mom loved me and wanted me to be happy, but unfortunately she had no idea what it meant to be a good parent. My dad was an abusive piece of shit that saw me as his competition, not as his son. We still don't speak very often. On an especially bad day, he had once again taken his rage out on my mom, but to rub in the humiliation he had her wipe her own blood off the walls while he stood and watched. I tried to intervene, but I wasn't much of a match.
I, too, was a bit of a piece of shit. I was aggressive and found myself in fights very often. Though I was smart, I was lazy and didn't do all too well in high school, where homework and not exams governed your academic performance. Needless to say, at 16 I looked like I was destined for a mediocre life at best, but probably likely to end up as another case of wasted potential.
I don't know what changed, but one day I started turning things around and ever since I have kept the momentum going. I had the highest grades in my class in 11th and 12th.
I soon got into a college that I did not deserve and met the love of my life there. And from there I busted my ass to get to where I am today.
I earned my own money and paved my own way. I didn't use my past as an excuse to fail. If I didn't make it, I knew it was nobody's fault but my own. I also knew that nobody would care.
If one day I broke down because of all the stress, the world would keep on turning as it always had.
Nobody cares about the struggles I went through. They care about who I am today and who I'm going to be.
And, I guess, that's my message: take responsibility for who you are, where you are now and where you will be. I don't care that it's a tough economy.
I don't care that you go to a shitty college. I don't care that an unlucky string of events rendered you less competitive than your peers. And nobody else does either. We will continue living our lives the same way we always had, but you will suffer the curse of your own laziness and incompetence. It's a tough world out there and if you want to compete in an environment as ruthless as India, you need to forget about the excuses and find a way to succeed.
And if you can't? Well, you weren't cut out for this world anyway. Nobody is going to pamper your bruised ego and give you a job just because you want it. You need to earn it.
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I was with you till last paragraph, unnecessarily harsh. Many people face unavoidable circumstances, women especially, doesnt mean one can look down on them.
Fully agree with taking extreme ownership for yourself and your career.

I would disagree. I’m a pure meritocratist and it falls outside my worldview. I respect your opinion regardless.

I agree that nobody cares about the struggles that we go through & also kudos to you for managing to overcome the circumstances you were dealt with.
I know you have not provided an exhaustive list of your struggles but it seems to be hardly as bad as some of the people I know incl myself.
I would disagree with your last para...I hardly think you would be able to pull yourself up by bootstraps if say you had been born to someone who is homeless & lives on footpath, or have some mental or physical disability with no supportive family or being stuck in a circumstance where you are only caregiver for a bedridden family member or being orphaned at a young age etc
I am in no way downplaying your struggles nor do I dispute with your message about taking responsibility but at the same time I am highlighting the fact that there are many more people in our country with more misfortune & just because they couldn't pull themselves up they are not 'cut out for this world'.

Please keep your mother with you, man! Just don't add another guilt in your book of life.

i wish that too.

Don't just wish, fight and get her to your side at any damn cost!! Ofcourse I don't know your situation, she is having a life and deserves to be happy! Sorry for any offence!!

May I ask what did you do with your fathers behaviour ?
Sometimes one just lets it slide after years of such behaviour as one knows people don’t change at that age, no matter how much sunshine one blows.

Let it be. I don’t talk to him anymore

My dad was the same till I completed my high school. One day all of a sudden he stopped drinking and now he’s the most down to earth person I have ever seen. So my point is, with time things tend to change and take a different trajectory altogether

Reading your post makes me feel so much more lucky than i thought I was.
I had a rough teenage with my mom facing domestic abuse. I supported her any way I could and my dad thought of me as the reason why my mom started refusing to bear his torture. I’m in my late twenties now and seem to have a good thing going with my partner, mom and sister.
Thanks for sharing your journey and I hope you find more happiness.

Thank you

Father hitting Mother is a pretty common story in middle class and lower-middle class homes. People just don’t talk about it. I wish more and more people start talking about it and also starts countering it as soon as possible. For example, at least after getting a Job or after getting off of the financial dependence on parents, one must ensure that such occurrences don’t happen. One must a clear line, make things crystal clear that these things are won’t be tolerated and would be countered vehemently.

@DenseSlang0 I too was sexually abused as a kid by a relative. Was too small to know what was going on.
I'm a guy as well. Can relate.
My dad is also a moody. I mean he is perfect in every sense. But since he drinks too often, he becomes messy during the night. Nothing terrible has happened yet, but it fucks with my mental health.
My mom is amazing though. The ideal mom in every sense.
I'll toh definitely be moving out of my parents home as soon as I get married. Thankfully, we stay in a 2BHK and we already are 6 folks here, so wouldn't be an issue to move out for me after me getting married.
I'm also all about meritocracy and my thought process works exactly the way you've mentioned.
Nobody is going to help us buddy. Nobody.
We're all by ourselves and we have to build our future. This mindset helps me to perform extra hard at my workplace and perform well.
Not bragging in this last statement, but I'm doing well for myself, especially given I'm from a non-tech background. So things are working well for me, touchwood.

Ooh, I thought this post was deleted! Thank you for sharing your life story @DenseSlang0.
Really resonates to my heart and will remember this all my life!

Why would I delete it?

Not you. Thought GV did due to r18 description

I earned my own money and paved my own way. I didn't use my past as an excuse to fail. If I didn't make it, I knew it was nobody's fault but my own. I also knew that nobody would care.
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