John Wick But Make It Corporate: A True Story

John Wick didn’t go on a rampage because of a dog. He went on a rampage because someone messed with the only thing keeping him from quitting his job and moving to the mountains.

Honestly, that is me as a Power BI guy in corporate.

I deliver reports with zero SLA breaches. Automate APIs. Save everyone’s time. Then someone from business says: “Hey, can you just make one small change?” That “small change” is basically them breaking into my peaceful life and kicking my emotional-support dashboard.

Next thing you know: I am writing SQL like Wick loads guns. I am debugging ODI jobs like I am hunting names off a hit list. I am smiling at the High Table while plotting Excel-based revenge.

My dog = my weekend The villain = whoever triggered a refresh job at 5:59 PM The Continental = HR pretending work from home is a luxury LinkedIn Premium = Wick’s assassin network but with more cringe influencers posting “hustle harder”

Corporate survival rule: Protect your PTO. Protect your coffee. Protect the dataset that holds your sanity together.

Because I swear: If one more manager says “Just track it on a dashboard,” Chapter 5 will be LIVE-REFRESHED.