Is transparency a mistake in arranged marriage setup?
I (25F) connected with a guy, 29M through an arranged marriage app. For once, it felt like all the important boxes were ticked: similar education, family background, values, even shared fears and ambitions. We talked for a month, and I genuinely enjoyed spending hours on the phone with him. The conversations flowed so naturally, and he seemed to like me too—he even expressed that once, which made me start to open my heart and really hope for something real.
Part of what stood out was that he had never been in a relationship before. He told me he always saw relationships as a distraction and had been focused on his studies and goals all along.
Wanting to be honest, I shared about my one past relationship which ended due to differences in family background and culture (even though he never asked). It was a mutual and mature decision. I revealed it because I value trust and wanted to start things off with total transparency.
But after that, everything changed. His interest faded, and what hurts most is how he ended things the very next day—in the coldest way possible. He gave no real reason and, when I respectfully reached out to ask for a reason or even feedback, he ignored me and simply blocked me. No explanation, no conversation, just silence.
It left me wondering: How can someone walk away so easily from something that matched so well—on paper and emotionally? Is it normal for people to just disappear, rather than communicate, even when so much fits? How do you move on when someone won’t grant you the decency of honesty or a proper goodbye?
Would appreciate any advice or if others have gone through something similar.
Thanks for reading
I guess one shouldn't reveal their past relationships. If your past relationship has ended. No connection with your ex, then what's the point of bringing him/her again on to the screen?
Haa. I understand transparency, transparency. Remember but in everything. Somethings are good when hidden. You should be transparent here after( after marriage, with your spouse).
Anyways. Always something better is waiting /coming on our way. Stay positive. Stay strong.
26M here , gurllll you dodged a fragile child trust me..now i dont know what or how you unfolded your story to him but if it was me i and had i been talking to you for over a month and the vibes matched, i would atleast try to keep you in my friend Circle if I didn't wnna marry. Cause tbh these setups aren't just a one-off deal like either to marry or you never cross path ffs, who knows tomorrow you marry a millionaire VC and if we're good friends i could raise a round from your man
It speaks more about how at present he handles conflicts in life.. forget it for now, and move ahead with your life..
For now, you've tried reaching him, while he chose an immature response.. If he feels there's a scope to talk and sort things out (chances of which are less), he'll reach out to you.. You can make an informed decision at that time..
For now, it doesn't make sense to look for clarity that is not available..
I have some questions too ☹️should we say about the past relationship to the matches. Is it really good thing to do? If so how many of them will accept it? It's not like someone wants to end any relationship but happened anyhow...
Also marrying someone with different background is huge task/issue eventhough generations passed.
People are not teaching skill or something but for years they are enforcing the re**gion into their children🙃.Sadly now they can't go out of it , might be unconsciously also. A BIG NO
Well I would say, keep everything clear and truthful as you're going to start a new relationship, your partner should know all the things, if there would be lies, marriage wont last.
In OP case, I would say she got lucky and dodged a bullet, that person was so immature.
He should know that almost 90% of the people have had relationship or some kind of past that couldn't turn into a marriage.
The life is a journey, your walk, your find the path is not rigjt you choose different path, you learn and you don't go similar path in future.
I would say, stay truthful, and the person who would be understanble enough will stay with you as well.
The only mistake from his side is he should have asked it earlier and after knowing about your past, he should have told you why he don't want to move forward with you. As he was never into relationship he was expecting someone same and that's totally acceptable.
I am 100% sure that he also posted this story from his side , and in comment section he got replies like she is a red flag leave her and move on PS: are you still in touch with your ex if yes then i have read your bf version story definitely
My curiosity is if he was that clear about past relationships, then why didnt he ask you about past relationships in the first few days itself?
Or did he ask?
I would prioritise that as well If my filters dont want someone with past relationships to avoid wasting time and emotions.
No he never brought up the topic. I was the one who brought it up and now wondering if it was a mistake!
Many of the people who enter the arranged marriage market to find a spouse are very naive when it comes to relationships and assume that those having pre marital relationships wouldn't be marrying this way. So, they assume their prospects to be the similar to them.
I would have also ended up things knowing your past. He may have ended up thinga silently as he didnt want to conrfront of hurt you with bad words.
Men understandinv women's first love are rare. If you get one grab him. And no need to worry person meant for you will never leave you. A matured guy will approach you soon and share lifelong bond with you ♥️🫰🏻 keep smiling. Being honest and genuine relives us mentally and marriage should create mental peace not mental baggage. Hope you understand.
