I can NOT father a child due to TCS lift

Today, I was late for a meeting so I was running in the campus. I saw that the lift was about to close so I went sideways to reduce my cross section for entry. Since I went hip first, the lift closed and I got trapped between the two doors.

My gonads got forcefully trapped by the closing gates and I screamed as hard as I possibly could. This lady inside the lift started laughing at me and the guy tried to pull me in. I was ashamed of what had happened to me and I felt very sore there.

I went into the washroom and there was heavy bruising there. Now I cannot have Putra Bhagya basis my expert opinion formed via my 2 minutes of search on Perplexity and Quora.

Furthermore, now I have to take tomorrow sick leave and will not be able to work my 14 hour workday and 70 hour work week.

Sorry Narayan Murthy sir. I will not be able to contribute to economy and help India become #1 economy of all time by working 70 hour per week.

Sorry Bhavish, I will not be able to sire children now so hopefully my Work Life Balance will now only be Work Work Balance.

I wish I waited for 2 seconds so that i can contribute to success of my bourgeoisie personality.