Growing up middle class in India wires you differently
You learn to say “chalta hai” even when your shoes tear. You learn to hide your cravings behind “nahin bhook lagi.” You learn early that money isn’t just a number, it’s a feeling. Of control. Of dignity. Of being “settled.”
And so even when we make it, a decent job, a 2BHK, maybe even a SIP or two, we still feel like imposters inside our own success.
Because no one told us that middle class isn’t just an income bracket. It’s a mindset.
A deep, intergenerational tension between “I deserve this” and “I shouldn’t waste.”
You can tell me to invest ₹10,000/month. But what about the voice inside me that says “What if Papa needs surgery?” Or “You can’t retire, beta, you’re the plan B for the whole family.”
This is the Indian reality most money advice skips.
We don’t just carry goals. We carry people.
Parents, siblings, cousins, that chacha who needs help for his daughter’s wedding.
The real flex in India isn’t having a crore in the bank. It’s buying something for yourself without feeling selfish.
It’s taking your parents on a flight and seeing them touch the seat with reverence.
Let’s talk more about the emotional side of money. Not just SIPs and stocks.
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That makes total sense. I think for so many of us, the “circle of responsibility” is basically immediate family. There's only so much emotional bandwidth we have. Sometimes, it’s hard to draw those boundaries, especially with all the extended family expectations that pop up in Indian households.
this is me. others can do their own shit i dont care at all.
And most of the time we just live, do things for our family and nothing for ourselves and don't get me wrong it's not they are forcing us but it's deep rooted in ourselves. I don't remember doing anything for myself or doing something just because I want to do it. Middle class mindset sets you for sacrifice oneself to see the happiness and joy for our loved one's. I don't know how much is true but that's what I have understood till now in life about life.
You captured it beautifully. I really relate to what you said about not remembering the last time you did something just for yourself.
So true. I earn more than 12LPA and can easily buy a 1st train ticket from Pune to Mumbai. But the middle class mindset never allows me to like kyon paisa kharch karna gai, and I end up buying a general class ticket. The middle set mindset never leaves you as well had to sacrifice so many small small things growing up due to money.
The middle-class trap isn’t just financial, it’s emotional. You save bit by bit, dreaming to give your parents the world. But when you finally try to do something for them, they gently push it back — caught in a deeper loop of sacrifice. 'Use it for yourself,' they say, thinking only of your future, even as they continue to put theirs on hold. It's love wrapped in denial, and a cycle that silently continues across.
Still a student, saw many up and downs in family's financial condition one thing for sure i noticed i became very non materialistic . When I see my friends are ordering shoes, watches , clothes and I'm there with a question is there any need for this . It's not like I don't like it, but I have to show some sort of "not interested" attitude so they don't involve me .Maybe being non materialistic was another quality God wanted to teach me.
Lmao. Ek acha juta leliy ab use tb tk ghisunga jb tk fatt na jaye.
The ideal path is a balance.
I have seen 40 year olds take joy in sending their parents on vacation. At what cost. These folks don't have savings of Rs 20L.
There's a thumbrule phrase - when you get your salary, first set aside money for your future retired self.
Balance using money for joy, and money for your retirement..
Else we will just be a consumerist society like in the USA, finding an excuse of "joy" in splurging on crap.
Omg I have been thinking about this lately and just read this...this just hit home man. I went from earning 40k pm to 1.4lpm and I always thought ki 1 lakh k upar jab bhi salary hogi to dil khol k kharch karuga but now I am at square one...the middle class in me just cant spend on anything....I am still living frugally just trying to clear all my family debt as soon as possible....and at this point I dont even think I'll be able to fulfill all my dreams....sometimes I wish I had generational wealth and mindset to spend without thinking...but alas.
Im the first in my lineage to graduate, have a IT sector job, making 6 digits salary per month...
But but but mate whatever you said im relating to it like somewhat more than 100%
Apart from what you mentioned, i got more thing, I had a punjabi gf, green card holder, employee in norway mei bc mumbai k bahr nahi nikla kabhi, parents were not agreeing so i had to marry a girl of their choice, im not belittling my current wife, i have same respect for her as i had for my gf but bc life kya ho sakti thi kya hai aur kya ban jayegi pata nahi
@MadamMajdoor beautifully captured. Every middle class guy and girl would relate. I reminisce about my life since childhood and so many things rush to mind.. My parents fought all odds to provide the best possible education, co-curricular learning etc and we have battled financial troubles, physical troubles.. everything. Growing up this way, it got ingrained to save money, create safety nets, insurance, emergency funds and what not (and all for the right reasons because our biggest goal is to battle uncertainty). They never spent on themselves, as a result I never spent on myself. Even when I started earning, I only spent money on my parents and relatives. Spending on myself felt like a guilt and waste of money. But, I've gradually learnt to spend on myself, spend on experiences, things I wanted as a kid (like Twix, always wanted it as a kid 😆) and I can say, it feels... well SURREAL. I'd say the biggest hurdle of being a Middle class person is not to start earning enough but to come out of the Middle class mentality.. Peace ✌🏼
I'm middle class, and I've completely shifted my focus. My own life and desires are on hold. Now, everything I earn, everything I do, is solely for the happiness and well-being of my two kids, my mother, and my father. Cost-cutting isn't a strategy—it's just my life now. Their security is my only personal goal