Feeling dumb and loser
I am a frontend developer who joined a startup last year when it was in a very early stage. I created V1 and at that time there were almost 8-10 backend developers while I was the only person handling the frontend. There was a lot of work, bugs, and pressure. With less than two years of experience, I struggled to deliver many things on time. I also lost my credibility got harsh words from the CTO and damaged my reputation with the CEO, CTO and other team members. Even my colleagues seem to think I am not that smart I can see it in their eyes and words. I am getting good money, but there is no respect or enjoyment.
I have never failed this badly in my life when it comes to delivering tasks or anything else. I just couldn't handle the pressure of delivering V1 of our product. I had built the frontend for the MVP perfectly, but when it came to V1, I messed up so badly. Since I was the only frontend guy the CTO lost confidence in me. But I know I can do things perfectly and I am doing them now. Still, I don’t feel good these days and I don’t feel comfortable in the office.
I have no intention of leaving this job since it’s the perfect job for me with the best pay and the market is also tough right now. I just need to know how I can overcome these issues. I am struggling with self-doubt, confidence and reputation in the office. My voice automatically lowers when I speak to any senior person.
Even after getting my dream job and settling things in my 20s, I am facing these issues. If anyone has gone through this, your words would be really helpful for me. 🙏
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What's your age?
21
Dude, you are just 21. You need to go easy on yourself. You yourself mentioned that you were the only one working on the FE while you barely had any experience. Thats commendable imo. I understand that you are facing issues with the people around you but the first thing that you need to address is your self confidence. You need to assure yourself that you are doing things well and to the best of your capabilities and only then people outside will see it too. Do not fall into this vicious cycle of people not trusting you with work and then you not trusting yourself and so on. That being said, you are only 21. Do not overburden yourself with the expectations of these people. Set targets for yourself and communicate the same to the team and mention the lack of resources on FE whenever required.
It’s not your fault.
It’s theirs.
You need a mentor and it is their responsibility to do that.
You are doing your best.
yes exactly, btw they hired a consultant that time who comes for a 30min meet a day as he was working fulltime somewhere else and he came daily just to get an update and did not code at all and I got punished for all things which happened wrong on frontend as he was working remotely and I was there in the apartment where we build this...
What you've done at 21 speaks volumes about the kind of powerhouse you really are. Keep your head up. It's not your fault
- founders are abusing your bandwidth
- just 1 FE that too a junior one while the rest of the team is in other functions tells the team is skewed
- why the fuck CTO doens't code with you?
- frontend work is labor some and hard, it's easier to be a backend person, so your team shall respect your efforts
- leave the company soon enough where you are not respected, they won't give you a fair share in future success ( if any ) and may replace you soon enough when they become capable of hiring more experienced people
Why is it easier to be a backend person?
Because I have been a backend technology professional for the last 17 years 😂
Whoever controls the backend controls the team/product/systems/departments
Usually frontend guys are at the receiving end of a lot of dynamic changes that are expected by decision makers. Whilst backend guys duct tape everything relatively easily.
I think this is normal, I was also in the same boat when I was 22, and joined a startup as a founding engineer working alongside the CEO. The CEO was very good in coding and he was from teir-1 college with a good industry experience and I just starting out, it was so difficult I almost used to cry just out of frustration of not being able to do things, the silver lining was that my CEO used to appreciate the work I used to put, so that helped a lot.
I would say, think of it like this it's not completely your fault, you need people around you who appreciate the hard work you put in then in the long run you will be able to achieve wonders.
Don't beat yourself down because of this failure, this industry requires you to come in with the same energy and curiosity as you came in on the first day every day until the day you stop working, so just think of it like a one bad day and move on (I know it's not easy you will keep repeating things in your mind) but eventually you will come out of it.
I am 100% once you come out of it, in a few years you will be posting the same thing as I did to someone else 🙏.
My friends company is hiring for frontend developer with 2 YoE. It's remote and company is cashflow positive let me know if you are interested in applying.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/aloktheanalyst
You can reach out directly he has a referral link on his profile itself.
At least you have tried and failed, this is itself an achievement. Don't worry try again with the experience and learning you have gained. I am ready to join hands, add me in if possible. I can bring in my expertise.
Becoming a Founding Engineer at 21 in itself is great stuff, even after ignoring the fact that you were the only one working on the frontend. Keep your chin up! Use this experience to explore other opportunities.
"Market is tough" no its good, you did all that you had to do in the job. No senior dev to help their problem. Now its time to switch Lot of job openings are there, you'll get more money, maybe a good mentor and a chill company