Dear girls, BUILD YOUR WEALTH
Parents are planning to buy a land. In the name of my brother. With a corpus I helped to build.
I would have been more than happy if they choose to buy it in either of their names. Just can't digest where I stand in their lives. Almost every expense is taken care by me. On top of this, i used to (and forced to) send a portion of my income to my dad so he can reach his financial goal. I started setting a boundary almost a year back.
I love my brother and I want the best for him. This is more of a disappointment on my parents and how, at the end of the day, they want their sons to have everything and daughters are just not important, even to well educated parents. Didn't really expect this.
So girls, don't trust anybody. Make money, save and invest on your own. Own your finance before it's too late.
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Take a 10-min AI interview to qualify for numerous real jobs auto-matched to your profile đI know I will be hated for saying this but here's the truth - you have an inferiority complex and need some reality check.
Reminder: Your father and mother have invested in you since childhood from education to food to every wish u had. And u have barely given them ~1% returns. Money then 1k is money now 1 lakh.
Current system: Understand the girl vs boy scenario in India. A parent will love their child unconditionally when they are children but once grown up around 25 years of age, a devoted male child will stay and take care of his parents throughout his life in sickness and in health, while the girl will get married and will take care of her in laws. Ofcourse she will call her parents and will try to take care but now she has children and her world revolves around them and her new family. It's not something bad, it's just the truth.
NOTE: This is the current society, system ~Middle class.
The reality check: U haven't mentioned what your brother is earning, so let's say he is earning less or not earning. What your parents are doing is helping their not so successful child build a strong resume of sorts for his marriage. If you are unaware and doesn't know the marriage process in india is very harsh for males and parents, not so much for girls where they can compensate with looks, slimness, etc. This is reality - A male is expected to earn 10-20 LPA more than the girl, and he needs to have assets. This is what every girl family is looking for in a man. You can listed to podcast on marriage by shaman on Spotify. I'm sure when you will be married, the same cycle is repeated.
Now about you: You are the one who is earning and your aim is to give your parents a good life. If that's really so, you would've bought a land on their name and managed their health and needs, rather you are just sending some measely money and thinking after giving it's your money and you control how they should use it.
Anyway, u r a unique case, in most families including mine, where my sister is elder and doesn't earn anything while I earn good money, i contributed to her marriage cost not because I was earning but because I thought of it as my responsibility and to share my father's burden of finance. While my father gave my sister pretty good amount of gold and a house as dowry, I was angry but didn't speak out, as it's my dad's money and he can do what he wishes.
I live with my parents, take care of them, though I don't earn so much that I can buy a land or flat for them, I do sip on their name for their retirement. And most most importantly i just stay with them and daily have conversation like how was your day and take them out sometime.
Anyway, enough, to summarise:
Never ever compare yourself to your brother or anybody, everyone has their role and responsibilities. Also as you said you love your brother, is it so wrong if you take high ground and think that it's your brother only who is gaining from her sister who he protected and loved thoughtout his life?
Thank you so much for such detailed answer. When all 4 in the family is earning,there isn't any need for 1 to take care of other. And fyi, I stay with my parents and I take care of all their needs. They don't have to rely on anybody. Their combined monthly income is more than what I earn. So there is no need of a son coming in shining Armor to protect them.
My only issue is they consider my income also to be spent on the family, but anything coming out of the family income isn't for me. That doesn't make sense.
I love you for this answer which I was about to write... thank you
The educated guys here are justifying buying land with sister's money in brother's name by saying it may be required for marriage. Bro, don't support reverse dowry. Also parents chose to give birth and take care of children. Its a blessing that many don't get. Nobody is forcing them to. You are not their fixed deposit. Take care of them in humanitarian ground if they don't have enough but don't listen to this bullshit talk that since yiu will get married, you should give everything to parents and since your brother is going to take care of parents he should inherit everything.. you are also capable to take care of pare ts After marriage. Deserve 50% of inheritance and your husband ain't giving shit to you from his inheritance or his hard earned money so build your own.
I loved this !!! So accurate and so correct. Kudos man. I wish everyone understood this.
Agreed đŻ. If one really thinks about it the majority of parents give birth out of FOMO, because if they don't they will be tortured by their parents and society.
Now when you choose to give birth , it's your responsibility to take care of them and give them what is necessary to face the world when they grow up;It's not a favor they do for their children, like most parents make us feel.
I have 2 teenage children, and I feel like taking care of them, giving them a good education (wtf going on with that nowadays , expensive as hell) is something that I owe to them, and they are NOT my retirement plan.
Educated Women: don't need men, i'm Independent
Educated Men: I need to earn more to get my sisters married.
Oh fuck off! You donât even understand the post but will not miss a single chance to show you are a misogynist.
Nobody does that anymore dude.
I would want to know if you just said them once that you desire a property in your name for even once.
and i believe theyâll happily have it in your name, its that simple LOL.
Donât complicate everything. Boys are treated by society based to have high income he gets or assets he hold whereas girls arenât judged on that criteria so its natural for them to buy it in his name. Nothing out of favouritism
i just hate how these internet trends spreads, pretty sure some version of it got to my sister a few yrs back
like even though we both have properties in our names and she earns decently too but still insists pocket money from mom and dad so she can invest all her income and âbuild her wealthâ
we laugh out hearts out at how she forgot the whole point of earning is to spend đ
Have been a part of situation like this. You donât know older generation takes offence in asking for stuff like this, especially money. OP is not over complicating. Her concern is genuine.
I know my batch mate, her brother is unemployed and takes money from her parents. So she saved around 4 lakhs and sent it to her parents for buying gold, but his brother convinced her parents to buy a car with some extra money in his name. She lost all of her savings, yes girls don't only save ,also be brave and fight for your rights. If it's your brother's file a case against him.
Lol what a retard.
Girl, start your own world. Set boundaries with these parasites. Itâs not about girls or boys. Once some get habituated to living on someone else earning for free, itâs very difficult to let it go.
If you start setting financial boundaries they will emotionally torture you. Take care of your mental and physical health and life.
That's exactly right.
+1 to this comment is not about gender here. Happens with guys too. Have a conversation about these boundaries with your parents. In india it's sad to be born or surrounded by such parasites who feel it's normal to use someone's earnings and continue doing it. They'll continue to do it unless you stand your ground.
Funny to see male kids justifying this behaviour in comment section đ
I swear.. entitled pieces of $h!t that cannot think for themselves
I know , everyone keeps conveniently forgetting the most important part ,where she said "the corpus I helped build".
By your logic, whatever your parents invested in you is a waste of money and time as you'll get married eventually and will support that family instead of your parents as they've invested in you. Being honest you or your brother both are not doing any favour to your parents by helping them. If they're buying it on your brother's name that's bcoz they'll get the benefit from it eventually it's nothing about Gender. And trust me if you'll need help they'll not give second thought to sell that land give it to you. You were not even conscious when they planned for your marriage and education. The amount which your family is going to spend on your marriage is definitely more than what you're giving to them.
Our family is completely against the idea of extravagant marriage. So saving up for marriage can never be considered as a valid reason for their behaviour.
If they get benefit if they buy in brother's name then they should stop leeching out their daughter's money. Kids are not investments ffs, they decided to bring us into this world, they are responsible to take care of us for a limited time period. If you start seeing your children as investments, you will be emotionally stressed out.