SillyDonut

Dealing with Toxic Siblings.

So, am youngest amongst 3. My bro is very demanding since childhood, like from toys to food and smartphone (2009-10 samsung smartphone era) to laptop.

He went to top notch boarding school 🎒 also for a small stint. I jumped 2 classes due to some unforeseen circumstances and studied together with my bro till 12th!

My rank and pcm was better and I was sure that I'll make into tier 1 college if I drop. ( was studying like 8 am to 2pm at school and 4pm to 9pm at an iitjee coaching) Lack of self study and practice pushed my rank. Families financial condition wasn't that good.

All of sudden my bro ( rank was very poor), told mom dad that I will go to Kota and tried convincing me to get into any top tier 2 firm based on aieee counselling.

My nana ji came into picture and saw his rank n % and asked to do B Sc or BA, instead he told my parents to send me to Kota. They could have afforded 1 kid Kota study as cost was upfront 3-4 lacs at that including 13th+food+accommodation.

I was 17 at that time and he was 19. That was 2G era and I was unaware of other career options...like clat, ca, or anything like that. I was good at maths and scored 💯 twice in 10th n 12th. I was confident of getting into top tier college based on my maths only. But my bro brewed my chances.

I was sure that maths is my cup of tea and wanted to do BSc Maths but ended up at a engineering clg due to bro n parents pressure.

Fast forward 1y, his rank was so bad that he couldn't even get into my college. Leave iits nits.

I again asked him to drop idea of engineering and take up a simple course which will fetch fast degree as well as a job. Suggested to prep for competitive exams alongwith ba kinda degree.

Financial condition wasn't good enough to afford another 6-8lac for engineering but he again went against the flow and joined a tier 3 engineering college. Demanded a latest smartphone and laptop again.

Basically he never understood family conditions or circumstances.

Fast fwd 4y, scroll 👇👇

21mo ago

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SillyDonut

TCS21mo

I ended up getting few government jobs ( thanks to maths+GK) and few pvt jobs as well.

I left government job and workes initially at 2 startups. Then joined an mnc!

Bro again did cat and gate coaching in 3rd and 4th year resp. And failed miserably again.

I asked him to do swot analysis and act accordingly but he didn't listen to me.

Again he prepared for ssc, state pcs and bank etc n couldn't clear a single pre.

Wasted 2y and then joined a firm through recommendation but couldn't learn anything there and wasted 2y over there behind gals and bs.

I asked him to learn skills fast and switch but he wasn't listening to me.

All these 4-5y he was livin with me at my expenses and even I was stuck at a place due to him. I couldn't change city for switch.

Then he developed a mindset that job=slavery, decided to do a startup. I supported him! Infact did quora, reditt and YouTube marketing and pushed revenue 20x ( remember a day revenue was around 4lacs). I asked him to scale revenue to 8d and I will also leave my job and do full time startup. (Stake was 60:40) Mine at 40%.

Untill then all the decisions were taken mutually in the start-up and things were going fine. But when money came in he started taking decisions on his own like hiring a top tier iitian at huge pay without keeping me in loop.

Then I communicated the issues and asked for a break from startup as my mental health was bad due to 16-18h working. 8h at mnc and 10h at startup.

I travelled to few places and focused on my well being. Startup revenue started declining and he never came to me seeking 4 help due to ego.

Then covid came and he used to blame me for failing the startup. ( till then I had spent 30-40 lacs on 6y stay at a 3bhk plus cost of startup registration to infrastructure cost as well as hr cost)

I decided to switch and change city as well.
Never took a single penny from my bro and he was sitting on cash pile of some 20-30lacs.

My mom said to leave those money with him so that he can

SillyDonut

TCS21mo

Again do something using that money.

He even defaulted on his education loan and we rescued him b4 starting up.

Fast forward, he is sitting idle!

He don't want to do a job. Not enough steam to again do startup.

But blames everytime whenever he gets an opportunity to blame even infront of friends and family.

I try to ignore him. But his toxic behaviour of envy, ego and jealousy has put him in a web he isn't able to get rid off.

Last 2-3y he is sitting idle, listening 🎧 to lex Friedman and Altman etc, says to my parents that job is not safe n secure so he will not join one.

Eating up on interest and dividends from startup profit which am not even interested in.

But his toxic behaviour is killing me.

Even I want to help him but I can't.

Hindsight when I think, i never demanded anything and even reached where I am (almost 8d worth after 8y workex) after a lot of struggle n perseverance.

Still am at fault, like how?

I used Advaita vedanta, travelling, reading and swimming as my mental health booster. Now am fine and looking forward to life with a fresh outlook...

Anyone else in similar situation?? Or any comments?

SillyJellybean

Stealth21mo

Sagge Bhai chutiya hi hote hain, can't help it

My brother refused to leave job and work on our startup full time because he doesn't want to put his career at risk despite us getting funding offers from top investors.

Could have gotten funding years ago but still we are bootstrapped because of his stupidity and ego. My biggest mistake was starting up with family, never do that unless you have a very good relationship with them.

Just do your thing and let your brother rot alone. Not worth any effort.