Arranged marriage - Feeling very low. And how hard does it become to get married post turning 30(M)?
I am 29M, turning 30 this July. I am working in Bangalore at a FAANG company as a Software Engg. Recently went to my hometown in Rajasthan for meeting families for arranged marriage.
- Girl 1 (28F) - my first priority . I spent so much of my time, emotions, energy on her. She used to reciprocate before the family meeting, when we both were in Bangalore (She works at FAANG too). The family meeting felt very positive to me. But she has been acting cold lately. Taking multiple hours and now more than a day or two just to reply back. All the emotions and energy gave me nothing back.
- Girl 2 (26F) - another FAANG girl. my second priority. The family meeting felt very positive to me. But got a message from her two days ago that they won't be moving forward. I think their main issue might be that my parents are staying with me till marriage. Her Chacha told her father that my parents won't be earning now, etc etc. WTH!
- Girl 3 (26F) - Software Engineer. Didn't meet due to some family functions and then her Bua got hospitalized in ICU.
- Girl 4 (25F) - Private school teacher for 10th and 12th sections. Met the family but they seemed to be very money minded. Asked about my exact monthly salary, properties etc.
A common concern I felt might be, was small home in my Tier 4 city hometown and also my parents living with me for some months. I can afford a flat in Bangalore but I don't want to invest so much right now. I had 4 options before, but not suddenly dropped to 0 or 0.5 at max. All the time, money, energy got wasted. I am feeling very low right now. Does age matter? If yes, how much? Since I will be turning 30 soon. My main fear is that I might lose a lot of good options post 30. And how should I look for matches going forward? Since it will be difficult for me and family to go near hometown again and again just to meet 1 or 2 families.
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I am 32 and I am out of marriage market, accepted a lonely life ahead and somewhat it feels liberating. Pressure is gone, it's difficult to get someone to like you now a days, just take a lot of efforts, I will probably save 90% of my salary and retire at 40-45 and start travelling the world.
why don’t you consider moving to the girl’s family, just like you expect her to move in with yours? Why is it always the girl who has to compromise?
No no. Don't compromise.
But just make it clear to the boy's family rather than keeping these thoughts in your head. Also, in case you have a brother, ask the parents to divide the property equally since you are equal to your brother. No need to compromise at all there too.
Why the hell are you interested in their property , They will decide what they want . You should not have any say in this. How many times do boys think about the girl's family. I am only saying move with them simply just like you want ..she also has a family. Your family can't be superior to her. You can visit your family occasionally, just like most girls do.
Any girl, anyone who is sweet and good natured will be good only till in-laws are not in the scene. Most women today cannot live with in-laws or even spend time with them. And if you have an extended family - God bless you.
For guys it's Age > Money > Looks.
Because of your job only you have 3-4 prospects and if a girl is in FAANG too, she is earning equal or more - for her your money is worthless.
So for FAANG girls, they will prioritize living independently more than the guy's money?
+1 to this. For girls freedom is really important. Most girls in India have lived their entire childhood under various restrictions no matter how modern their family might be. They are finally free now living on their own, earning their own money. They don't want more restrictions from their in laws. Again your parents might not be someone who would cause any trouble but even small advice or suggestions can feel like interference. I guess it's better for you as well if you live seperately. Will avoid regular conflicts.
If school teacher keeps false case drag u court. Everything gone.
1 - leave, 3 - contact again if no move on
4 - leave.
If school teacher or tier-3 doesn't meant they nice.
Bhai tum to single maaroge merko
200%...
I will sound harsh but girls and even their families really appreciate if parents are not in the scene or are already settled with another siblings.
It's not just restricted to FAANG or even earning girls , I have seen such tantrums from village non earning girls as well.
And for anyone who already earns really well, your salary is not a value add.
Got it. How can I portray it and put this across to girl 1 now? Any suggestion? Because she is barely replying already. And not sure if it's even a major concern for her.
No idea bro, no one can tell what's going on with her. If she has also gone to hometown, she is fishing as well or maybe genuinely busy somewhere.
Politely ask her if she is open to talk or even meet. If not, wish her good luck. She is not your gf- don't get senti. You don't crack all deals.
My opinion, first don't mention faang in your profile (once you mention you'll never know if they like you or the money, which means you need not tell your exact salary too. Just tell the amount that's good enough to lead a life that you aspire)
Second spend time dedicated on matrimony apps to meet new people the more people you mean. The better are your chances to find the right one.
Look for a genuine good friend who aligns with you as a person. Nothing else matters that much. And dont essentially look for a lady with faang or high paying job. If she earns well thats great. But dont chase it. If she doesn't earn but can understand you well and will be your best friend, then she is the one
Importantly an understanding lady wont have issues with in laws, marriage means everyone has to adjust. No one can be always satisfied and happy. But this adjustment is a sign of maturity. And imagine a girl that is willing to walk that mile with you and adjust , because she sees your worth as a person, you'll fall in immense love with her
30 is not a deadline tbh. I know there's this societal pressure that if you aren't married by 30 its the end of the world or something, but we all start living at different ages in our life. If you want to get married, that's good. That means you are in the correct mindset, so even if immediately you don't find someone, you will sooner or later.
Keep working on yourself. Stay physically + mentally + emotionally well. I would rather marry someone who's a bit older and maintains themself to a higher standard than someone younger who is wishy washy.
Dusri school teacher dekhlo