Afraid I’ll have no time to actually know the girl before marriage
I’m exactly 28 — decent earning, and honestly, just trying to figure life out like everyone else.
I’ve never been in a relationship — not because I wasn’t interested, but because I had a timeline in mind. Wanted to focus on a few things first, and then look seriously. But life didn’t go as planned, and that phase just slipped by.
Right now, all focus at home is on my elder sibling’s marriage — which may take another year or so. After that, I know the attention will shift to me. And with that will come the pressure: “You’re 29+, time to hurry up.”
I’m scared of being rushed into something without getting the chance to know the person properly. I really want to talk, understand, and build a real connection before marriage — not just meet someone once or twice and say yes.
Dating apps like Bumble haven’t worked for me. I’m not into casual stuff. I’m looking for something serious, and I’m honestly confused about where and how to meet girls who are also looking for something long-term and real ? (Jeevansathi n all?)
Also, how do conversations even go in this kind of setup? Is it weird to bring up that I might not be ready to marry within a few months — that I might need a year or so? Would any girl actually be okay with that, especially if it starts online?
Would really appreciate any thoughts or advice from people who’ve been through something similar — or just anyone who gets what I’m trying to figure out.
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I am 26 F, in the exact same situation and with the same questions. And from my perspective be honest about how you feel, want and expect. Don't shy away from conveying your doubts. Take your time to figure out things and hopefully it will work out in the end.
That's what I am doing currently. I really don't wanna rush but also I don't know how male-female equations work. My mother is looking for a rishta. Though I haven't found a suitable match yet and spoken to anyone. But I have been clear with my expectations and needs with my family.
But it is a matter of fact that arranged marriages have their own timelines. No one will wait more than a year, as there are many complications.
Better audience and suggestions
It’s completely normal to want time to build a real connection before marriage. Many in your situation find success through matrimony apps (Jeevansathi, Shaadi.com) by being upfront about wanting a 1+ year courtship period. Others meet like-minded people via hobby groups (book clubs, volunteering, sports) where connections grow organically.
Key tips:
Be honest early—say you want to take time to know each other (many will respect this).
Skip casual apps—focus on serious platforms or social circles.
Leverage family help—ask them to screen for families open to longer engagements.
You’re not alone—many guys in our community faced this. Join for candid advice: https://chat.whatsapp.com/B6weknl7133BQXjPva0pgB
If the answer isn't a resounding yes, it's a no. You're entering into one of the most consequential business deals you'll make in your life with doubt and uncertainty— that's never a good sign.
I know many people have found their partner on dating apps. But pls don't use dating apps for marriage. First check with ur family if they know any girl in friend circle or if ur relatives knows anyone. If u don't find here then check on matrimony.
Matrimony is kind of arrange only right!! That option will have option for 1 year long time to know each other?
Yeah, I have come across many girls who opin that they first want to meet and talk and get to know each other. But it is just that, if the girl is in other city, it will be you who will have to put effort to go and meet. Even parents of girls many times ask girl and boy to meet once before talking on serious terms. So many arranged folks take time these days and you can easily find many guys on those matrimonial portals who have been there for years (me included). So it is more about your parents, rather than the other side. If your parents are okay to give you some time, or if you are able to convince them to take your time, it is all good.
Generally in these matrimonial sites, people don't wait much so it's better to find someone in other places.
Talk and convince your parents first. Then you are sorted