A very long post about my (narcissistic ?) mother. Need advice

My mom has never treated me fairly. She rains over my parade. She never appreciates my hard work. Kills every happy moment of my life. And most importantly treats my older sibling as her golden child and neglects all of my needs. You must be thinking "no, you’re just spoiled and entitled. Well let me help you with examples starting with the most recent ones

1. I recently got a new job with a very good hike and will soon be moving into the new company. The entire selection process was for over a month and I shared the news with my mom after 3 days. Considering her behaviour in the past and how unappreciated/ unsupported and anxious she would make me feel. When I shared the news, she forced a smile and said congrats, now it will be more difficult for me to find a groom for you. She added that now I can refer my brother in law since he was also looking for a job for a very long time. After a couple of days whenever I used to not complete a chore or was unable to find something she would taunt me and say ‘I wonder who gave you a job’

2. One day I got a marriage proposal. The groom was well educated, good job, good looking, same caste and also shared a similar lifestyle. Our kudli also got a very good score. But my mom was hesitant to go forward because she said he was an only child. When I asked her how that matter she didn’t have an answer and told me that she didn’t want my sister to feel bad for getting a partner better than hers. That day I understood one thing very clearly - my mom wants good things for me as long as it’s not better than my sister.

3. One day she went to my sister’s house to babysit her kid. He is a year old. My brother in law works from home and they also have a nanny, a cook and a maid to do all the chores. Yet my sister asked my mom to come and babysit him because she would be at home that day. My mom was at her place the whole day and I was alone at home. I took the opportunity to deep clean the entire house, folded all her clothes, cleaned her room, arranged all the groceries and cooked dinner. Keep in mind that we also have a maid to do all this but none of this work was done for the past week and my mom felt “guilty” for telling the maid to do the work. When she came home all my mom did was complain how she couldn’t find the towel or remote and my nephew who she volunteered to take care of. She did not even utter a word about how the house looks clean. I expected this petty behaviour and went to change into my night clothes to sleep. After I changed, she asked to look for a vessel in which she had heated some oil. It was in the used dish bucket. She makes me dig into it and take it out and wash it. All this for what??? Just because she was frustrated and wanted to see me suffer. She then went on and said that whenever she leaves the house everything gets misplaced ( indirectly telling me that idk where to place things in the house even though I kept everything in the right place.) Before she came home, she told me she would come home and cook dinner. I wanted to order but since she didn’t want to eat outside food I decided to surprise her and cook her food. She finally came home and did have the dinner I prepared for her.

4. (An old incident) the night before my MBA entrance exam I was sitting quietly in the hall and just panicking. She came and sat opposite and asked if I was worried I said yes and before I could complete the sentence she said even I am worried for your sister’s marriage because we are unable to find anyone for her. My exam was the next morning and I kept thinking about this incident and my exam got screwed up. My sister on the other hand got engaged the next month

5. (A very old incident) On the day of my 12th board results I was extremely anxious. I hadn’t scored well in 10th and decided to prove myself and my worth to everyone who had once humiliated me. I scored 93% and was over the moon. Both my parents were waiting in the hall while I was checking my results. When it came I announced my scores and my father was so so happy. My mom was more shocked than surprised. I showed them the results on my laptop. My dad is still extremely happy and proud. My mom - still in disbelief. Her first words her telling me check the roll no again and see if my results only were being displayed. After a few mins she congratulated me and then told me that the exam would have been easy and was comparing my marks to my friend who got 97%. Cut to today - I am in a managerial position, used my savings for MBA fees and planned all investment, make good salary, take my parents out for lunch/dinner to a fancy restaurant every other week and “that friend” is working as a sales rep in a retail store in a foreign country and doesn’t have enough money to get a haircut. And yet when this friend visited me my mom kept praising her for how independent she has become which is equal to all of the appreciation she’s given me all my life. Because When someone else does something they're being independent and when I’m doing something it’s rebellious

There are more incidents which are more heartbreaking. I try not to react and be as calm as possible. I tried to even seek therapy once but my therapist sided with my mom and said that I needed to understand her perception and be kind. My therapist’s words didn’t make sense to me because the more understanding and kind I am the more shit I get thrown at.

I even tried to move out but my mom emotionally blackmails me and keeps saying that if I leave and something will happen to her health out of guilt. I stay in my room all day because she twists every word and action and mine and tells my sister and my dad. My dad is currently working in a different city and only cares about his work.

I am professionally excelling but personally I am exhausted. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore