26F Engaged Under Family Pressure - Feeling Insecure About the Future
Hi everyone,
I’m posting here because I really need some honest opinions and guidance.
About me:
- 26F, Working in an MNC in Pune
- Financially independent and earning well
Background: My parents were looking for a partner for me with these criteria:
- Base location should be Pune
- Native place should be near my hometown
- Small family
- Engineer by qualification
They found a rishta that matched most of these points, and things moved very fast.
About the guy:
- Almost 5 years older than me (4 years 9 months)
- Mechanical Engineering graduate
- Currently working in a sales role in the mechanical field
- Earning around ₹35–40k/month (which is less than my salary)
- Doing MBA in parallel
- Nature-wise, he is genuinely good, respectful, and a green flag
What happened: My family did not give me enough time to think or process. I was emotionally pressured to agree Eventually, I got engaged, even though I wasn’t fully sure.
My concerns & insecurities: Salary difference and future financial stability Career growth mismatch between us Whether love and understanding will be enough in the long run Fear of resentment later because I didn’t choose freely Constant anxiety about whether I made the right decision I don’t hate him, he is a good person, but I’m scared about the future perspective of this rishta. I feel confused, guilty, and trapped between logic and emotions.
Please be honest but kind. I really need clarity.
Thanks for reading.
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Have you talked with him anytime through the process.
If his salary is less definitely resentment will creep in as men has fragile ego.
Worst case his in laws will ask you to give you a baby too so be careful.
My wife earns more than me and we are living happiky more than 12+ years.
All the men do not have ego. Some really encourages wives to climb up the ladder for higher positions. You cannot judge all of them as single group.
If men has ego, ICICI Former CEO (chanda kochhar) wouldnt become CEO.
Please be resepectful to men.
Sounds like Pseudo feminist!
I'm also mechanical engineer I want to be very honest with you. I don’t think your thinking is right here. He is a genuinely good man. Even if he earns less, he has a good heart, and today it’s easy to find people with high salaries but very rare to find someone with such a golden heart. He was honest enough to reveal his real salary without hiding anything, which shows his sincerity and character.
My humble request to you is to please leave him if your dreams are more about money than about a real human being. If you marry him, you may end up making his life miserable by constantly comparing your income and blaming yourself for marrying him. Please don’t spoil his life. May God bless him with a simple, loving girl with a golden heart like his.
💯
What if, in the future, I have to leave my job because of family responsibilities? Will he be able to manage all the expenses in a tier-1 city, including the children’s school and college fees? It’s easy to give lectures, but in practical life, things are very different. Would you marry your own sister to someone earning 30k? And when you yourself work in high paying job, please stop giving me lectures.
Don't get pressured by your family to go for a match that you're not 100% convinced about.
Being in a married life for decades with someone you internally end up resenting, will neither be good for you or for your future partner.
If you're not convinced about this guy, break off the engagement right now before marriage while it's still easy. Having a divorce later will be much more messy.
Also, by breaking it off, you'll also be doing justice to this man too. He also deserves a partner who is completely happy to be with him, not one who internally resents being married to him.
So break it off, and find a different partner about whom you're 100% convinced to be with, and let this man find a different partner for himself too. Going separate ways will be for the best for both of you.
He is very innocent and has already started loving me. If I break the engagement now, I’m afraid it would deeply hurt him, and I don’t want to do that to someone..
If he were in IT with a lower salary, I would be okay with it. But in mechanical sales, future salary growth seems limited, especially considering he is five years older than me and still earning a minimal amount. With everything becoming so expensive nowadays, savings are important for the future.
I’m stuck between my practical concerns and my emotional guilt.
I know the place youre coming from. Slightly lower salary of either partner seems fine only till you see a future growth in that. But as you said, doesnt seem to be the case here.
Did you discuss this with your family? That his future salary growth aspects are not that high. What are their opinions?
Also talk with him about his future plans, does he show any intent to make his earnings grow in next few years or he seems content with what he is earning.
If he's satisfied with whatever hes earning right now and your family also supports you in this. Then i guess you should take a bold step here.
But talk with him, talk with your family first. Then decide.
You give your honest efforts here, rest leave it for destiny. Youll be tthe person who youre meant to be with. Dont take stress. Youll be fine.
+1
Thanks for your kind words. He assures me that he will look for new opportunities, but he seems satisfied with whatever he is earning. My family also thinks his salary will grow in the future. But he is almost five years older than me, and he’s still at this pay. He hasn’t worked hard so far, so how can I assume he will in the future?
No doubt, he is a green flag he treats me very well, he’s not toxic, and he handles things calmly. But what if I marry someone with a high-paying job who turns out to be toxic? Married life could become a nightmare.
My main concern is that if I have to leave my job in the future due to family responsibilities, will he be able to manage all the expenses in a tier-1 city, including school and college fees for the kids? Otherwise, we could end up struggling a lot.
Please leave him it will be better for him. Don't spoil an innocent person. Tell him that you are a gold digger and only believe in money. Then he will be good he will find someone better.
I think just for this reason - Earning around ₹35–40k/month (which is less than my salary). I'd say not to marry him. Whether he has a problem or not, you'll definitely have a problem with it.
Well i earn more than my hubby but that was never concern for me. It's not only men's duty to earn today. If combined together salary is enough then having a good understanding mam is better than rich brat
I don't see this emphasized enough but trust and honesty are the reason relationships last , not money , not beauty , nor anything else. Talk with him openly and then decide. Don't heed to anything anyone is saying, it's to each their own. Also it's a rule of real life relationships -- something's gotta give. It's up to you to decide your non-negotiable and then move forward. For example would you be happy with a emotionally difficult person who earns 10x the amount vs your current situation. One cannot have everything, the sooner that realisation sets in the better.
Most sensible common here
Stay away from these girls
Do not marry. Get a rich sugar daddy. You will have the option of quitting your job.