[25M]Being ugly, my experience of 25 years.

Age 25 Brown skin - all my cousins are white, even my own family Height 5 11, not even close to my cousins who are atleast 6 2, my younger brother is in class 12th, and he is 6 3

Dating aspects - For my whole life I lived in Punjab, even the average guy here looks like the one you saw on reels. They are from a decent background with good financial support.

I approached 12 girls in my life. All rejected me. Everytime approaching the other gender was hard. 3 made fun of my appearance infront of the hole class and 1 made me look like a fool infront of the whole department.

Friendships - your true friends will be there for your behaviour and your vibe. But my friend friends never liked me. They always looked down on me, that is what I always felt. I wasn't invited in group hangouts.

Relatives - I was treated differently as compared to my brother by my own massis, mamiis and female cousins. I accepted this and maintained a low profile among them.

Some of my male cousins always treated us as blood brothers, which I appreciate.Even my younger cousins, boys and girls both always acted joyful with me. I loved spending time with them.

College - Things changed, improved but never better, I avoided interaction with the other gender because of my looks and their power of influencing the matter if it goes south.

I worked on my health, body(gym) and studies. I always felt lonely here and struggled with friendships, even among male Batchmates. I was treated with a warm hi whenever I met anyone, but there was no actual Friendship. I was vigilant enough to even call out someone's dual behaviour, could be one of the reasons.

Dating apps - zero matches throughout years.

Now what I feel.

It's hardly by any chance the future will be any different. I will still be rejected by other gender, doesn't matter how many muscles I gain. In corporate it isn't advised to get into any friendly relationship with female colleagues as it can cause issues.

My parents gave me a disclaimer a lot earlier that due to their disputes among relatives, arrange marriage via a trusted route is not possible. I am on my own.

For now I only work, gym and study.

I explore and sometimes travel. That is all I have. For now I am finding peace with it.